Category: Uncategorized

Hindsight is 2020

“It has been a YEAR!” …is probably the understatement of the year.

2020 has been unpredictable, scary and endless. It’s been a year full of loss. Loss of tried and true pleasures like a gathering with friends, a road trip or a concert. Rights of passage like the Prom, graduations, weddings and 16th Birthday parties. Loss of jobs and money, school and sports and our dependable daily routine. Loss of the comfort received in a hug from a cherished grandparent. The loss of our ability to hold a loved one’s hand in their final moments and the loss of life. 2020 has taken away the innocence and naivité of the many fortunate enough to lose it.

I know some of our losses have been unfathomable and I don’t pretend to understand that pain. My family has been fortunate enough only to lose superficial things. My heart goes out to all who are suffering and surviving day to day. All I can do is offer you love and prayers and remind you to keep breathing. It’s ok to just be in this moment and feel whatever you feel until the day you are able to see gifts in what remains and the promise of better days to come.

There has been so much loss in 2020 but there has also been gain. For me personally, I gained a husband who now works from home instead of traveling for work every other week. He’s been here to help with math homework, soccer practice, to figure out why the wifi isn’t working and to kiss us goodnight. My children have gained more time with family to take a hike or play a board-game and time with the kids across the street to play and just be kids. I’ve gained hilarious and entertaining group text threads with friends near and far. And most of all, I’ve gained the ability to be still.

Before 2020 I felt the constant pressure to keep moving. Waking up with a case of the “I shoulds” each morning and living through the anxiety of underperforming each day. But the abrupt stop in life, this confusing and unpredictable time and the inability to do much of anything at all has forced me to put that pressure aside and simply sit still. In the quiet and the rest I have rediscovered the beauty in the little moments and simple pleasures like a great tv series, a good book, a nap, a warm sunny day, cooking dinner with my best friend and the joy in my kids laughter. Despite whatever is going on in your own life, I hope you’ve been able to find these things too. Miraculously, I’ve tapped into a knowing that has been blocked in me for the past couple of years. I guess in the chaos of normal life it’s been too loud for me to hear. I’ve just felt stuck somehow. Like I’ve been living in between different phases of my life and unsure of my next move. But, in the silence I realize that I am truly thankful for the lessons in the life I’ve been living and I have a new found clarity. I know that I love and I am loved. I know what is and who is truly important to me, and I finally realize who I am and who I’ve always been. I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, aunt and a friend. I am a creative, a listener, a helper and a teacher. In the daily pressures of regular life I am guilty of taking these things for granted and ignoring their significance in the world. But not anymore. This pause in life has allowed me to see clearly and make decisions I never could about my goals and the future I want for myself. For this 2020, I am grateful.

2020 has given us blessings in stillness and gratitude if we chose to see them. With the Holidays approaching, I encourage you to embrace the pause, be still and allow yourself to see and to listen. Savor the simple wonderful things, the people and the clarity you find. There is light on the horizon and it’s going to be a beautiful new year.

Be still and know that I’m with you

Be still and know that I am here

Be still and know that I’m with you

Be still, be still, and know

When darkness comes upon you

And colors you with fear and shame

Be still and know that I’m with you

And I will say your name

If terror falls upon your bead

And sleep no longer comes

Remember all the words I said

Be still, be still, and know

And when you go through the valley

And the shadow comes down from the hill

If morning never comes to be

Be still, be still, be still

If you forget the way to go

And lose where you came from

If no one is standing beside you

Be still and know I am

Be still and know that I’m with you

Be still and know I am

Be Still, Song by The Fray

The season of NO

Get out your To-Do lists people because it’s the most wonderful time of the year, the “Holidays!” According to my Google search, the definition of “Holiday” is “a day of festivity or recreation when no work is done.” (Insert emoji laughing hysterically) Now I don’t know about you, but this is definitely NOT the season of rest and play in my little world. T’is the season of WORK!  The planning, the parties, the decorating, the dinner making, the cookie baking, the card sending, the good deed doing, the Elf moving, the classroom craft making, the gifts – ohhhhh the gifts. The brainstorming of ideas, the shopping for, the wrapping, the delivering….. I could go on. Don’t get me wrong. I looove me some Christmas time but by the end of December I have lost my damn mind. Meerium-Webster needs to check herself because it’s not exactly possible to have a Holiday where “no work is done” but wouldn’t it be great to have one where less work is done? Of course it would! But how you might ask? By saying one simple word- NO!

 

Why is this word so hard for us to say? Especially for us women who’ve grown up in a society that tells us to smile, always be kind and never hurt anyone else’s feelings. But what about our own feelings? Shouldn’t those matter most?! Somewhere along the way we forgot. The majority of us would rather agree to do something we really don’t feel like doing or don’t have enough time for in order to avoid a disappointed look on someone’s face or feeling those few moments of awkward or anxiety. So instead we choose to extend our discomfort, wasting precious time and energy cursing whatever it is we agreed to do and stress ourselves silly when we could be watching Hallmark movies with a mug of hot cocoa instead.  Whyyyyy though??? This has to stop.

 

We need to remember that we always have a choice. We can put ourselves first. We can choose to be honest with ourselves and other people, despite the momentary discomfort. Our time and energy is precious and that should be our top priority. Not other people’s opinions, feelings, wants or needs. With every no we say we practice making this choice. And the more we practice the better we get at saying YES to ourselves and the things that matter to us.

 

I dare you to say no to something this season and practice saying yes to you. Because honestly, someone else won’t get the memo and that craft will get done, the party will be hosted and the cookies will be baked. And you won’t deprive people of the joy they receive when they open that Holiday card because they’ll still be getting them from someone else. Give yourself some time off this go around. Take back your Holidays!

 

“What other people think of you is none of your business.”

 

For inspiration:

The Life Coach School Podcast

Episode #63 – Boundaries 2.0